if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
