wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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