he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
