Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
