she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
