I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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