i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
