Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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