As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
