Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize