I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
