Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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