When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
