i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
