mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
