i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We have started to decorate penises.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
