If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
