whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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