Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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