fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
