i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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