i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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