ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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