I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sober January is a disaster.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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