I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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