I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I love you.
Bad choice
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
