Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
