Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
