the day after is always just damage control
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
