Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
