then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
