I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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