weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
