My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
