I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
