If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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