I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
