I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
