He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
