Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
