Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
this will be a night to untag.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
