I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
