It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
