As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
