I want to make a zoo with you.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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