He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
