so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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