is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
