I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You can't just leave with hair like that
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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