he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
