she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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