She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
