haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize