I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
