Your tits are I can't wait for
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
