So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
