So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
