When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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