just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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