I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
