no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
