I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
