i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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