You're completely useless in the revolution.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
