She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
