I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
