I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
