She is in my trunk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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