my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Randomize
