just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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