Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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