Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
