We're like a lot better than the average bears
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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