??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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