well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
