I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm always down for nudity.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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