guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
