After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
