he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
