The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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