Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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