An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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