Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
