I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
