Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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