did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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